Scout Im Naked and Covered in Honey Again

Moments pages are Spoilers Off. Y'all Have Been Warned.

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• Saxton'southward form alphabetic character to an inventor, which can besides exist applied to business rivals who accept committed One thousand Theft Paradigm:
  • "[X]YOUR APPLICATION IS PENDING. [ ]I'M COMING FOR YOU, You SON OF A BITCH."
  • "I look forward to [X]WORKING WITH Yous IN THE Futurity [ ]PUMMELING You TO Death WITH MY Bare DAMN Easily. [X]SINCERELY [ ]UP YOURS, Saxton Hale (Australian, President of Isle of mann Co.)
• UNDERWATER HYPNOPEN Hypnotize sharks. Write on them. It works!
• The iBlewUpTheMoon.
  • Heck, the entirety of that comic. There's far too many great lines in information technology to count. A sampling:

    Scout: "It looks like some kinda hospital for fruit!"
    Soldier: "Judases! I accept used this Mann Co. shovel for twelve years! It does not blog! It does non biodegrade! It barely digs holes! But information technology is mine and AGGGGGH IT IS ON Burn!"
    Saxton Hale: "I make square, unsafe products for men! Non white little egg things with no precipitous edges and only ane push! Expect at this tiny thing! It'due south not on burn! How do yous know it's even on?
    Soldier: "I will not! Keep pushing me, sister, and I will shove my carbon footprint and so far up your IS THAT A Grunter?"

• All ◊ v ◊ of ◊ the postcards starring the awesomeness that is SAXTON ◊ HALE ◊.
• The Heavy writes on the TF2 Blog: "Commonly Soldier has baby job of talking to you lot through push button lath. He cannot come up to blog today because he tells me he must take highest honor US government can give: Jury Duty."
• Meet the Director.
  • In short, pretty much anything to do with the Soldier and his collection of heads. His Large "NO!" upon thinking that they've been destroyed is hilarious.
  • The Director's reaction to the Scout: "We ran out of film five hours ago. [...] Nosotros ran out of film five hours ago."
  • The Lookout trying to striking on Miss Pauling.
  • Also, the Sentry and Heavy talking virtually how Sasha has a bed right next to the Heavy.

    Sentinel: That's your gun right there?
    Heavy: Yeah.
    Scout: In a tiny bed. Beside YOUR bed.
    Heavy: Yep.
    Scout: That's pretty embarrassin'.
    Heavy: I know. I must buy Sasha bigger bed.

  • Also from that scene: Heavy'south skull-and-crossbone pattern pajamas.
  • When the Director is interviewing Heavy, he talks almost his tragic back story virtually how he escaped from a gulag, merely Heavy insists on keeping information technology chore-related in the nigh edgeless, this-is-my-second-language manner possible.
    • Bonus points for him complementing his words with gestures. He thinks he'south talking with an idiot subsequently the Director missed his first clue that his by was off-limits.
  • When the Reddish team talk about how they've been mailed unlike things, Soldier holds upwards a package and yells "This is nothing! Look what I got in the postal service! I am also going to driblet it on the floor like all of you lot did!" He drops the package, and we see that it'south got a human head in it. Bonus points for the Spy and the Scout looking admittedly disgusted/horrified:

    Spy: Whose...head is that?
    Soldier: MINE! The question is, where are the other seven?

• PACK UP THE TEA, BOYS! WE'RE JOINING THE SPACE MARINES!
• The entirety of the Manniversary update ◊. Special mention goes to Spy's response to being Jarate'd for the third time:

  "WHY DO YOU Go on DOING THIS"

• Gabe Newell himself gets one when answering a fan's proposition of not letting Robin Walker into the development team of Counter-Strike: Global Offensive:
• The Monoculus comic.
  • The Soldier comes by with fob-or-treaters (that have patently been on the lam with him for four days)

    "I have children! Give usa candy! It is the law!"

  • The Spy doesn't accept any candy, then he hands one of the kids a pack of cigarettes and a butterfly knife.

    "At that place. Merry Christmas."

  • The Heavy calls the kid presumptuous, lazy, and fat for expecting him to spend his hard-fought money on candy. When the kid cries, he takes back the fat comment, and quiets the child by cutting out the middleman.

    "Here. Here is seven thou dollars."

  • After existence warned to "GAZE NOT UPON UPON [the] EVIL TOME" in the library while dusting, a young Demoman asks the wizard Merasmus which broom he's supposed to use to sweep.

    "GAZE NOT UPON THE BROOM! And yeah. That broom."

  • When the young Demoman reads the volume, information technology possesses his middle, and then starts gloating. Merasmus is mad not because it's going to cause horrible evil, just considering it's going to go on gloating.

    "Now he'll never shut up about it! I take to live with this book, you know!"

    • Even funnier is the fact if you look in the background, y'all'll find that the book was going to leave the Demoman's centre on its own accordance, making the eye removal completely pointless.
  • When the Demoman finishes his story, and talks nearly where the wizard is rumored to be, the Soldier then pipes up almost him. Turns out the sorcerer is squatting at their Halloween party as they speak, lament about the hummus they're serving.

    Demoman: Good lord! After all these years, he's here?
    Soldier: He'south my roommate.

  • In the concluding scene, Merasmus and the Soldier ignore the giant heart to attack each other.

    Soldier: [strangling Merasmus] I am going to slap the magic out of your rima oris!
    Merasmus: [striking the Soldier with his broken staff] I'm calling the law!

• A Smissmas Story
  • For starters, Scout's ridiculous (even by the TF2 Universe'south standards) explanation as to why they blew up a Mall Santa Grooming facility.
  • The Soldier's reaction to the Scout outing him every bit the mastermind of the result — namely, pushing a Payload Cart into a Mall Santa grooming facility — with the Spy looking on in utter embarassment.

    Scout: Whoa-ho-ho, nobody told me I could proper noun names! Run into my courtroom-appointed lawyer over there? He masterminded the whole thing!
    Soldier: JUDAS! (strangling Scout) I AM GOING TO KILL YOU BEFORE THEY Requite ME THE CHAIR!
    Scout: (strained) Y'all- are- the- worst- lawyer!
    Gauge: Enough! NOBODY'S GETTING THE CHAIR!

  • The Spy calls Miss Pauling to bail them out.

    Miss Pauling: Showtime things offset. How did Soldier become a public defender?
    Spy: Information technology'due south a long story, just Affiliate 1; his roommate is a magician. Should I keep?
    Miss Pauling: You know what? Never mind.

  • Picket dividing the meet Santa line into "Unmarried Moms" and "everybody Else" counts as well.
  • After on, while Soldier is fighting the kid'south dad:

    Miss Pauling: Simply don't make information technology worse.
    Spy: Not a problem.
    Soldier: C'MERE, Yous...
    Spy: Everything seems normal so far.

  • Soldier giving Niggling Jack what he needs:

    Soldier: One: a sensible haircut. [gives Jack a crew cut] 2: I will give you lot the gift of manhood. You are going to watch...while Santa beats up your father in front of you.
    Little Jack: Yayyy?

    • To be fair to Soldier here, Little Jack really needed that haircut. Bowl cuts *shudder*
  • Old Nick'southward arrival is announced with a megaphone and one of his kangaroos/"reindeer" kick the door.
  • LOCAL HEROES KILL SANTA
  • COMPOUND ELEVATED SKULL FRACTURE! (With a Saxton Hale figurine)

    Soldier: THE POWER OF SMISSMAS COMPELS YOU!

• True Significant
  • The Engineer is reading a story virtually Australian Christmas, and how Quondam Nick got into a shootout with the Mafia. Who is he reading this to? The Pyro of course!
• A recurring patchnote when Valve updates is "Updated localization files." Fans tend to poke fun at this when TF2 mysteriously starts updating. Valve gave it a shot too, submitting "Lokalisierungsdateien aktualisiert." ^note "Updated localization files" in German language
• Twenty-four hours one of the Pyromania update and their opinion of the proper noun of creators of "The Rubber Dance".
  • The TF2 team were actually pretty offended by the name. What was it? Men Without Hats.
• The Pyroland development post:
• The "Blood Brothers" comic, for all its seriousness, nonetheless has some funny moments. Particularly every fourth dimension the Manns mention the pregnancy machine and gravel.

  Blutarch: My one business, blood brother...is it possible this program is too perfect?
  Redmond: Difficult to say. Honestly, I can find no flaw.

• A Fate Worse Than Chess has then many hilarious ones..
  • For case, the intro starts with a rather banal and boring exposition with 2 banal and boring scientists, cue Saxton Unhurt LITERALLY BARGING THROUGH THE PAGE ITSELF to change it to that of an activity film, complete with a sword fight over a volcano while pterodactyls fly over and around the ii women fighting.
  • Saxton explains why he doesn't want to abandon the Yeti hunt:
  • For instance, Miss Pauling explaining the situation to the mercs has some glorious snarking, whether she'southward rebuffing the Scout earlier he can fifty-fifty begin flirting or calmly dealing with Unhurt'south antics. However, the best function it probably when she explains that the robots are basically a Money Spider horde.

    Miss Pauling: For reasons I tin can neither encompass nor explicate, the robots run on money. Destroy them, and whatever falls out is yours.

  • Some of the mercs' expressions. Stand-outs are a completely disinterested Spy, and the expectant innocence on the Pyro's....er, mask.
  • Later, the Spy looks less stoic when he sees the Soldier picking his nose.
• Some robotized versions of unused WAR! Update domination lines have been left in the game files. It seems the ii have remained friends even though they were hired to kill each other.

  Demoman: DOMINATED! But yous're notwithstanding me best mate. Heh.
  Soldier: DOMINATED! I cherish these moments we spend together.

• This update hint is basically Rapid-Burn down Comedy after the kickoff article. Sections range from the Sentinel putting out a personal article, to Merasmus selling Soldier as a familiar, to someone directly request the Soldier to eat weeks-old condiment packets.
  • Subsequently followed by Doom-mates, which brings united states such things as Soldier condign a park ranger and getting Merasmus' castle for himself using the same condiments, the magician being a class A Butt-Monkey, and the Kill Me Come Dorsum Stronger pills.
  • The comic's concluding panel; Soldier is talking to a stunned Scout and a less-than-tickled Spy while all way of carnage goes on outside.

    Soldier: ...and so I told the mighty ghost magician, "Ha! I'd similar to see you try!" And that is why he's killing all of us right now!
    Scout: I gotta admit, that does sort of explain everything.

  • The URL for the update's main folio is a foreign string of syllables, either to keep with the update'southward general theme of sorcery, or to keep people from guessing the page name beforehand.
    • Fridge Brilliance when you lot realize that Soldier features heavily in the Halloween 2012 update, and he'southward the Malaproper. He'due south trying and declining to say 'Bombinomicon.'
• This promo for the Second Annual Saxxy Awards. The Medic, Heavy, and Soldier film the Spy and BLU Sentinel'southward mom on a date. The Spy is Non happy about this.
  • How does he react afterwards getting his Saxxy? By suggesting that they run & cloaking himself, leaving the trophy still visible. The people filming his date freak out & run abroad, fifty-fifty though they are on his team.
• From the 2012 Holidays comic, "Shadow Boxers": Soldier patently believes MVM_Coaltown is located on the moon. He also thinks that his teammates are all American. Heavy and Medic play forth:
  • Spy'south reaction to the Soldier's claims, including the same Moon one.

    Spy: Gentlemen, I've lost several liters of blood today. I will probable die defending a chapeau factory tomorrow. I'm going habitation.

  • Greyness Mann, disappointed virtually his robots' stupidity.

    Sentinel Robot: *beepboop* The humans were waiting for us at the last v attack sites, Master. Somehow they <italics on> knew. <italics off> *bopbeepboop* Nosotros would advise delaying the secret set on on the Mann Co. headquarters through the abandoned mine shaft.
    Gray Mann: Mm. Would you. And — just so I'm clear — yous suspect these security leaks are due to some heretofore unknown "tactical mastermind" in their ranks. ...And not, for instance, because you lot mention our hole-and-corner attack plans at every opportunity.
    Lookout Robot: *baddaboop* Affirmative. Nosotros believe it is the same genius who masterminded the decoy base of operations. *beep boop over here*
    Greyness Mann: Ah aye. The genius who congenital the decoy base. [newspaper shows the Soldier winning a nose-picking contest]

  • The Soldier, Heavy, and Miss Pauling go cloak-and-dagger every bit robots, wearing the Soldier's terrible Halloween costumes. And Gray Isle of mann has simply fabricated a robot smart enough to see through the disguises.

    Soldier: I'd hate to be those humans. (picks nose)

• This blog post. Evidently Linux (and penicillin) was invented when Linus Torvalds left a ham sandwich in his bathroom for two weeks. He afterward died of septic necrosis.
• "Expiry of a Salesbot", created aslope the Robotic Boogaloo update. It updates u.s. on what'due south happened a year afterwards the Mann Versus Machine war began, and... The Mercenaries take won so much, and fabricated information technology so easy, they're downright swimming in cash and barely working at all. Dissimilarity with the dramatic and almost grim beginning, at present that a weird case of realistic consequences has taken place and the Player Characters win EVERY Single Time... Information technology becomes downright hilarious in hindsight.
  • The robots' new plan to attempt to take down Isle of man Co.? Robotic knockoffs of the mercenaries' hats and miscellaneous items. Ok, it'southward a non-canon comic, but notwithstanding, Hee. Lar. Ri. Oss.
  • Information technology's gotten to the indicate where the mercenaries are literally using their money equally fuel for the fireplace and Soldier is eating information technology in a sandwich.
    • Although given what Soldier is like ordinarily, he would probably be making money sandwiches anyhow.
  • Even the robots think powering robots with coin is stupid. Yeah, everyone, including the robots themselves, think fueling them with money makes no sense.
    • There are two things that make this better. One: It's the Scout-bots that suggest to Gray Mann to make robots that don't run on money. And 2: The look that Greyness gives them later on they suggest it. Information technology but screams uncomprehension, like a robot that doesn't run on money makes no sense to him. Well he is Redmond and Blutarch's brother after all.
  • This line:

    Soldier: How dare they surrender like this? They think they can just offer themselves upward to be slaughtered? I won't stand for this! Let's go slaughter every 1 of them!

• Ring of Fired may have been a bit of a Wham Episode but it is likewise one of the funniest comics.
  • The cover is a homage to the famous "Costume in a Trash Tin can" of Spider-Man fame, with a nude Saxton Hale.
  • Saxton Hale has been told he can't jump out the plane to enter his office anymore, and so he sabotages the plane's engine so he'll have to. All the while carrying a screaming airplane pilot.
  • The text as he jumps out of the plane:
  • When Gray Mann enters the room, Saxton Hale gives a YOU!!! Exclamation... then has to ask Bidwell who the hell it is.
  • Greyness puts his hands on Saxton's desk... only to notice out too late that it doubles every bit a grill.
  • The person Gray challenges Unhurt to fight is... his daughter Olivia. Although Olivia is more than than willing to fight Saxton freaking HALE in a Good Old Fisticuffs duel, her hilariously pathetic fighting proves she is the furthest thing from a Fiddling Miss Badass, and she only "wins" considering Saxton Hale gives up the fight later on a while because he tin can't bring himself to fight a young girl who can't even make him blanch.
    • Subsequently on (after admitting defeat), he decides to vent his anger by destroying Gray's robots... Unfortunately, Olivia switches them into non-vehement fashion. Turns out that Hale volition only fight something that can retaliate, because he gives that "fight" upward in seconds.
  • The blurb promises that someone will dice. It'south Tom Jones.
    • Soldier'due south logic for why is also pretty amusing.
  • Before Miss Pauling sets about getting the team dorsum together, Soldier moonlights equally a celebrity tour guide for a group of one-time women...which consists of forcing them to run effectually various rich neighborhoods as he shares his questionable grasp of pop culture trivia.

    Soldier: TO YOUR LEFT IS WHERE DICK VAN DYKE HELD HIS GUTS IN HIS Easily After TAKING A MUSKET SHOT FROM AVA AND ZSA ZSA GABOR! SEE THOSE SUBMERGED LOGS OVER THERE?! THAT IS THE BEATLES! DO NOT End RUNNING!

  • Later, the Pyro's newspaper headline reads "Beatles nevertheless missing. Last seen near pond."
  • Demoman and Miss Pauling do the driving while Soldier and Pyro comport similar children...
  • Who is Tom Jones' roommate? Merasmus. Soldier but doesn't know when to quit around him, does he?
  • What Pyro's been doing and how they convince him to come forth.
  • Ever since he got fired, the Demoman's been lazing well-nigh on his couch binge-watching Tv dramas with the Eyelander, which can at present say something likewise "heads". And probably in the same creepy voice it uses in game.

    Journalist: Stay tuned for more than "Ghost D.A!"
    Eyelander: Ugh. 'The Defense force Rests?' HE'S THE F***G PROSECUTION! Ghost D.A! 'District Attorney!' It'south in the title of the f***one thousand testify!
    Demoman: *Slurred* If Ghost D.A was a Demolitions Expert, they'd have already replaced him with a bloody robot.
    Eyelander: And what'south with that "doodly doodle doot" noise? I'm a ghost sword! Have I ever made a f***g noise when I disappear? I swear, sometimes I think this bear witness isn't fifty-fifty written by ghosts.
    * Knocking sounds*
    Demoman: *Slurred* I'd like to run across a bloody robot defend a bloody cap bespeak for-
    Eyelander: Information technology's been six months, homo. Permit it go.
    * Knocking sounds intensify*
    Eyelander: Do you still hear a gavel banging?

    • If you look behind Miss Pauling into the yard, y'all can run into the statue all the same lacks a caput from the War! update.
  • The CEO of Frontier Technology is The Pyro.
  • "HELLO, Fat DEMOMAN!" So Demo's rather wry remark about the "beer-all-at-in one case club".
• Fifty-fifty in death, the Redmond and Blutarch rivalry continues. Only now, for the kickoff time in over a century, they're in shut enough proximity to engage each other in a slapping match while arguing over who died first.
• The Overly Long Gag involving pants on the Scream Fortress 2013 update folio:

  Push a corpse-filled cart through a magic-blasted, skeleton-infested terrorscape to attain the infernal maw of a gaping Hellmouth in this Halloween-themed Payload Race of utter pants-filling terror! Just to exist clear: You will poop your pants. Too, the constabulary just called: They wanted the states to tell yous that the smell you phoned them about is coming from inside your pants! GET OUT OF THE PANTS! But it was also late. The Terminate. Of that scary Halloween classic!

• "Unhappy Returns":
  • The "lawbooks" Picket is studying. The young readers edition of "Ghost. D.A.: The Collected Television set Scripts".
  • The mayor's affiche, consummate with hilariously inappropriate stickers and a pic of Spy shanking an inmate with a sharpened toothbrush. Combined.
  • These lines from Spy, particularly how calm he is when proverb them:

    Spy: Mike... I'm going to kill yous and anyone else who participates in this preposterous bear witness trial.
    Scout: Me besides!
    Spy: Yes, I may kill Lookout in the confusion too.

  • Demoman hiding backside a building, peeking out and expecting to see something when he'south peeking out of the same side he's blind in.

    Demoman: Bloody hell...
    Soldier: Dear God, what do you lot meet?
    Demoman: Non a damn thing. Permit'due south switch places.

  • Sentry recounting "A Smissmas Story", which sounds like utter nonsense out of context. Specially the concluding line.

    Scout: Merely then nosotros killed Santa Claus and they let us go.

  • The Scout mentions that he once had a lamp for a lawyer. A few pages later, the Soldier bursts in and demands to serve as Sentinel's lawyer.

    Soldier: (strangling Scout) Tell them I am your lawyer! Say it, maggot!
    Lookout: I... want... the... lamp...

  • Spy realizes where Teufort's priorities prevarication:

    Spy: So...we weren't on trial for all the property impairment and murders nosotros've actually committed.

  • Afterwards the trial is dismissed, everyone goes to the library:

    Guiseppe/Trevor: I'm going to learn about Italian republic!
    Mayor Mike: I'grand going to acquire about mayoring!
    Old Woman: I'k going to learn what a pedophile is!

    • Even better, since Makani works off a loose script, she didn't know that last line was going to exist in there.
  • Miss Pauling reveals that the whole town is a agglomeration of idiots due to Sawmill's h2o being poisoned with atomic number 82...

    Miss Pauling: That'south why nosotros've been giving you guys bottled water.
    Soldier: [tilts caput] Bottled what now?

  • Spy, in an human action of sympathy, helps Lookout get to his bank vault in Teufort, only to learn that Sentry put all his money in Tom Jones memorabilia, planning to sell it for big coin when he dies. You tin can merely hear the shift in Spy'due south tone when he learns this.

    Spy: I acknowledge it... I'm impressed, Watch. At to the lowest degree yous've been saving your coin. Permit'southward take hold of the largest denominations. Nosotros tin launder it at where is the coin?
    Watch: You're lookin' at it! I invested every last dime on twelve cubic yards of Tom Jones memorabilia! This stuff is gonna be worth a fortune when he dies!
    Spy: He'south not going to dice, you imbecile! He's in his twenties! He's the most virile human on the planet! He has no enemies! The human being is virtually immortal!
    Sentry: I'chiliad playin' the long game, Spy. It'south a get-rich-slow scheme.

    • ...of course, Scout might've fabricated a proficient telephone call, with Spy existence proven wrong nearly 6 months later (chronologically).
  • And of grade, Soldier showing that he's great with old ladies.

    Soldier: Old Woman! You Volition TELL ME WHERE THE COURTHOUSE IS OR I WILL Intermission MY FOOT OFF IN YOUR WITHERED Sometime-
    Demoman: Bloody hell! *Stops Soldier* Hello, Ma'am.

• "A Cold Solar day in Hell":
  • Okay, permit's merely get this out of the style: NAKED. HONEY COVERED. SOLDIER. Scout'southward face merely screams that he regrets witnessing this. And what's worse/better? This has happened enough to go its own comic series... of which there are thirty vii problems. One was when Watch was on a double date.
  • And when Soldier was hallucinating the wildlife, his hands, and the Lookout as food. Even funnier in the fact that the Scout is wearing a hot dog costume, which was institute in the plane of Amelia Earhart.
    • And but when it seems that Soldier was accusing Pyro of beingness a menstruating woman (because, according to Soldier, they and love attract bears), he orders them to step aside, revealing that Amelia'southward plane is stocked with honey.

      Soldier: There are only two things that attract bears: honey...and menstruating women! My God, I knew it! Somehow, I always knew! PYRO! Finish blocking the door! Good Lord, the airplane is filled with love! Amelia Earhart's famous sugariness tooth has doomed us all!

  • When the carry seems to accept knocked off Scout'due south skull, information technology only turns out that Amelia'south basic were inside it.
  • Pyro meets Smokey Carry in Pyroland, and what follows shows that Pyro might be more enlightened of their actions than nosotros thought.
  • Scout succumbs to his injuries and passes out. Pyro's reaction? Throw snow at his head.
  • The Lookout man has a nightmare that the Spy is his Dad.
  • Who are the mercenaries that Grey Mann hired to take down the Administrator? The Team Fortress Archetype team! And who joins them? The Team Fortress 2 Medic, replacing the TFC Medic! And he's as well implanted birdie uteri in some of the team.

    Medic: Oh, come at present. Information technology's perfectly safe. I put three in Greg. You don't hear him complaining.
    Greg: You said yous were filling a cavity!
    Medic: I was! The one I made in your abdomen.

  • From the opening scene, Soldier's batshit insane paranoia of wearing a 'Soviet glaze' and how he doesn't want the footling old Siberian lady reverse engineering American glaze engineering. On a coat that isn't fifty-fifty American... Specifically, the coat is a Isle of man Co glaze, falls autonomously at the drop of a hat, is made in China (which was too communist during the 1960s and 70s), and Isle of man Co is an Australian company.
    • Even more than hilarious? She offered him the coats and so he won't die. He refuses to take them anyway.
    • Said coat she offered had Sears on information technology. He refused to wear it because he read the first letter and assumed that the residuum of the word was either "Stalin" or "Soviet."
  • "Son, I offered your friend soup and he's been screaming for v minutes..."
    • When Soldier finally gives in and eats the soup, the ghosts of Benedict Arnold and the big hot dog loftier-v each other while George Washington looks on in disdain.
  • "Soldier, put pants on." The way Heavy casually says information technology makes information technology funnier.
  • Heavy's sisters come home, ready to fangirl over their brother's colleagues... and and so they observe themselves less than impressed to come across Sentinel, Soldier (wearing a dress) and Pyro (busily setting things on fire).
    • For bonus points? The mercs they're fantasizing about are Sniper and Spy — not only the classes most oft given the Draco in Leather Pants treatment in fanfics, but also ane of the most prominent Slash Fic couples. Is this Valve'due south way of giving a Fandom Nod to the Yaoi Fangirl demographic of their fanbase?
    • Likewise, in that location'southward the scene where Heavy'southward sis Zhanna is "tending" to Picket, and bluntly tells him "Today, nosotros brand sex" when he wakes upwardly. Simply for Scout to encounter a hallucination of Ms. Pauling, request Scout if he forgot virtually her. When Scout points out Ms. Pauling wasn't fifty-fifty dating him, despite knowing each other for six years, Hallucination!Pauling says this:
  • The very first words out of Saxton Hale'southward oral fissure:

    Saxton Hale: Charles @#$%ing Darling , Mags? You're working for Charles @#$%ing Darling?

  • Olivia Mann using one of the Teufort Library'south stepladders to achieve the same height as Grey Isle of man. ^annotation Notice the old lady looking disapprovingly in the "P" section of the dictionary.

    Mayor Mike: Hi! Can I assist you lot?
    Gray Mann: Oh, I doubt information technology, but hither goes... I'one thousand looking for demography records dating back to 1850. In the room marked, "Census Records," there's just a vat of what I promise to God is fudge.

  • Also, patently Teufort was originally founded and named 'Hugginsville' past a homo who survived a deport mauling by hiding nether the corpse of the deport's victim, his wife. He was forced to modify the name to 'Ii Farts' by teenage bullies, and was too scared to alter it all the way back.
  • This exchange.

    Zhanna: Brand honey to me.
    Beat
    Soldier: Okay.

    • And afterwards, Soldier is wearing Zhanna'south clothes.
  • We present: Christopher, the Communist Mountain.
  • When the Heavy decides to reunite with the Mercenaries, Soldier comes in with possibly the funniest line he has ever spoken:

    Soldier: Hooray! I am back from the bath and everyone is happy!

  • Charles Darling reveals his reason to why he appears to accept beast heads mounted on walls:

    Charles Darling: And anyway, these animals aren't dead. They're simply sad.
    Giraffe: Mrr...
    Charles Darling: I make them stand on boxes, you see. Then I can look into their hilarious defeated eyes whatsoever fourth dimension I like.

• Saxton Hale still hates Darling.

  Saxton Hale: Darling, I'one thousand only going to say this once. I will never piece of work for yous. Okay, now I won't ever say that again. At present tell me what I need to exercise to get my visitor back.

• "Catch-Up Comic":
  • Archetype Soldier's Weapon of Choice was plain the civilian'southward umbrella.
  • Saxton Hale keeps track of the timeline:

    1890
    STILL 1890
    NOW Information technology'South 1930
    Now IT'Southward NOW

    • He besides breaks the fourth wall to annotate on Greyness Isle of mann's "barely credible backstory".
  • Also, how he starts the recap: "Our story starts in New Mexico. It'due south a desert, and it looks similar this. Only a moron would alive here. Here's some morons who make up one's mind to live here. A rich old man from England and his twin idiot sons."
• Blood in the Water
  • Pretty much all of Soldier and Zhanna'south interactions are hilarious and heartwarming.
    • Zhanna's acceptance of Soldier'southward engagement cord of severed ears.
    • Soldier'due south reaction when Zhanna romantically helps him snap an Australian's cervix. Merely look at his huge goofy grin!
    • Soldier and Zhanna discuss what the phrase "extreme prejudice" means in the context of a gainsay situation.

      Soldier: WHAT? ZHANNA! QUICKLY! BE RACIST!
      Zhanna: You ███ █████ ████████ ███ ████████ ███ █████ the ██████ ██████ ██ ████ ████.

    • Information technology's even funnier in 1 of the fandubs, which plays La Marseillaise in censor bleeps.
  • NECK Fix
    • Fabricated even funnier by a fan on Tumblr:
  • The revelation that Sniper is not Australian. He'southward from New Zealand.
  • Bill-bel, Sniper'southward biological male parent, is the dumbest super-genius scientist possible. Case in point? He used the concluding Cache of Australium to pigment his paradigm spaceships... which exploded.
    • Ms. Pauling's reaction is to have a hearty swig of vino.
  • Pretty much all interaction between Scout and Maggie. His lack of muscles makes her mistake him for a little boy at first, and she and Saxton spend the balance of the scene being unintentionally cavalier, much to Scout's annoyance.
  • Miss Pauling and Sniper discuss how to make the shallowest grave possible.

    Miss Pauling: Speeds up the decomp rate. Trust me, x minutes with a saw will salvage yous thirty with a shovel.

  • Ms. Pauling has doubts near Zhanna as a fellow member of the team.

    Zhanna: Yous desire to know more most Zhanna? Hither is story about Zhanna. Once upon a time I do not like you lot. The end.
    Ms. Pauling: Y'all said she couldn't empathize a word we were saying!
    Soldier: Yes. I meant that I couldn't understand a word you were maxim.

• The Contract, the comic released with the Gun Mettle update:
  • Saxton Hale just can't (or won't) get Ms. Pauling's name right.
  • Ms. Pauling explains that she's running out of incentives to brand the mercs do any jobs. Later on Saxton says the guns she's giving to the mercs are "incredibly rare heirlooms", Ms. Pauling points out that her chair is built out of Force-A-Natures.

    Saxton Hale: Ah, right. No, those ARE garbage.

  • Saxton brings Ms. Pauling to his vault and downright admits he sells his personal cache of weapons at obscene prices.
  • Ms. Pauling wants something in her cost range. Saxton's proffer? Two Force-A-Natures welded together past the barrels.
  • And so she makes off with the unabridged stash, leaving backside a bunch of "IOU" notes, each to the amount of a hundred one thousand thousand dollars.
• Old Wounds
  • A meta example. Nosotros finally have confirmation: the Pyro is a woman named Beatrice! No, not the TF2 Pyro, whose effeminate tendencies have sparked endless debates regarding their gender and/or sexuality. She's the TFC Pyro. As in, the TFC "verbal same deep gruff distinctly-masculine vox as all the other Classic classes so nobody ever wondered if they were actually a woman" Pyro. Makes you wonder if Beatrice has been smoking as much as Dr. Girlfriend. The burn scars are also a mutual unmasked Pyro headcanon, for extra trolling points.
  • This exchange:
  • Zhanna calling Soldier her "petty maggot-bear" and accidentally spraying him with claret from her wrist-stump.
  • Sniper's mom, a sweet little old lady, cheerfully telling her son he needs to go back to Globe to kill "rotten [bleep]".
  • Demoman breaking up with his liver, and Pyro trying to console him. And then he starts talking to his heart to take over his liver'due south functions and for his lungs to block his rectum.
    • Fabricated even better by the fact that his organs too have eyepatches.
    • Followed by Ms. Pauling wondering what's going on and Spy suggesting that Demo'southward body spent then subsisting on alcohol that information technology perceives him eating solid food and water as a toxicant.
  • Soldier shedding all of his clothing just to sit on the toilet, and Zhanna preparing to join him. Even better, no ane bats an eye at this.
  • "Modern Heavy" walking in on Spy attempting to spit a cyanide capsule into Pauling's mouth, which ends up looking unintentionally awkward and/or pornographic.
  • Spy's look of irritation when realizing that he's been duped by some other Spy. It'due south even funnier if you've ever been duped by an enemy Spy disguised as you. Not even canon Spy is allowed!
  • When warned by the dying Gray Mann that the Ambassador is up to something nefarious with her Australium, Ms. Pauling responds with a speech of Undying Loyalty, proclaiming that she'll never turn from her when she'due south gone this far... only for Spy to point out to her that Gray already died halfway through her speech.
  • This exchange between Sniper and Medic, which goes from sad/dramatic to hilarious in a millisecond:

    Sniper: [easily firmly gripping Medic's pharynx] "Y'all were smilin. The last thing I saw 'fore I bled out and died was your smug, evil grinning!"
    Medic:' "I was happy to see you! That'south merely how I look when I smile! Smug and evil!" [grins] "Meet ◊?"

  • Classic Spy's gobsmacked expression when Zhanna punches him in the confront with her arm-stump... to absolutely no effect. Soldier then punches him, with considerably more than success.
• Gargoyles and Gravel
  • Don't mess with the Medic in an alleyway, or he'll take your head and put it in a pumpkin.
    • And then the Russian Mafia will hire him to hold a sorcerer at gunpoint.
  • As the title would suggest, Miss Pauling is running a roleplaying game with Heavy, Soldier, and Scout. Desperately.

    Miss Pauling: In the center of the room is an amulet on a pedestal... SOLDIER... that looks VERY VERY DEADLY... SOLDIER... so yous PROBABLY DON'T Want TO-
    Soldier: I selection upwards the amulet!
    Sentry: Aw, come on, dumdum! This is the third time we hadta restart this stupid... (Miss Pauling looks concerned)... LOVELY game of Miss Pauling's. Everytime ya choice up the amulet it kills all of us!
    Soldier: I will not be cowed by jewelery! That amulet belongs around my neck! Miss Pauling, I pick up the amulet .
    Miss Pauling: (Rolls some dice. Without looking:) The amulet kills all of yous.
    Scout: (Losing his patience with Soldier) Stop PICKIN' UP THAT FREAKIN' AMULET!
    Soldier: We may be pretending we're in Fairyland, merely we are playing in AMERICA! You can stop me being killed by that amulet when yous pry it out of my cold, dead easily!

  • Then Merasmus shows up... or rather-

    Merasmus: Fools! It is I! Meras- ...Murray... with... your pizza.
    Soldier: Oh good, Merasmurray's here.

  • Miss Pauling learning nigh the Squad's history with Merasmus:

    Miss Pauling: (Off the Soldier's explanation) He gives you [spooky] surprises? Aw, that's nice of—
    Heavy: (Interrupting) Every Halloween, he comes hither and he tries to kill u.s..
    Miss Pauling: (Double-take) And then why exercise y'all permit him in?
    Soldier: He's a wizard, Miss Pauling.
    Lookout: Yeah. He knows magic and crap.

  • "Merasmurray" trying to get Soldier to look exterior.

    Soldier: If you lot're really the pizza man, bear witness it! Slide it under the door!
    Merasmurray: Fool! It is a party-sized deep dish! It would never fit!
    Soldier: I'm going to need a proof-slice. Slide it through the mail service slot.
    Merasmurray: Aha! But how do I know yous ordered the food? Put your face to the post slot beginning!
    Spy: Don't put your face to the mail slot.
    Soldier: I am going to put up my face up to the post slot. Here I go. Oorah.
    Actually Merasmus: Fools! It is I! Merasmus! And tonight you will- Soldier closes the mail slot

  • Soldier finding out information technology was Merasmus and non "Merasmurray":

    Soldier: Everyone caryatid yourselves! It was Merasmus! There is no, repeat, NO PIZZA! We are going to starve! Unless we all agree to swallow Sco- ^annotation Scout

  • And then Spy tries to effigy out what he's here for:
  • Nosotros as well have Miss Pauling wearing a Ghastlierest Gibus throughout the comic. Cue the F2P jokes.
    • Furthermore, the fact that Miss Pauling happens to exist a Dungeons and Dragons fan!
  • For a hidden dirty joke, Soldier strangles Scout, who is dressed up like a craven.
  • The team ultimately accepts Merasmus' challenge. Rather than be elated, Merasmus is relieved:

    Heavy: WIZARD! We accept your challenge.
    (A tied-up Merasmus is sitting in the Russian Mafia'due south automobile trunk. The goons stop forcing him inside, and Merasmus looks over to Squad Fortress.)
    Merasmus: Oh, thank god...

• The Naked and the Dead
  • Every bit the title implies, gratuitous nudity abound.
  • How did the team survive the claret-sucking robots? Demoman'due south blood gave the robots booze poisoning. Even more ridiculous is that he hadn't boozer anything, he somehow reconfigured his body to produce its own alcohol, complete with him talking to his own organs again. Oh, and his liver comes dorsum, and Demoman makes out with it.
    • Even more than hilariously, the body producing its own alcohol actually tin happen. Information technology's called Auto-Brewery Syndrome. Look it up, I'll expect.
  • Miss Pauling is incredulous that transfusion is as unproblematic as The Medic describes, to which The Medic laughs almost how expensive medical schoolhouse is.
    • Information technology should be noted that while he is maxim this, he is dumping blood into Soldier, who is both very cheerful and holding his insides open up and then the blood from the bucket can go inside. Medic also follows this upwards by maxim he's been using his underwear equally a medical sponge.
  • The undiluted look of horror on Miss Pauling's face every bit the Medic informs her that mixing bloodtypes is the least of her worries is priceless. Especially since but one page earlier we saw that the Medic's blood bucket had, amidst other things, dirt clumps and used bandages mixed in the claret.
  • Spotter hugs Miss Pauling, and blood comes gushing out of her optics. What actually sells it is her expression afterward.
  • Tom Jones is used SEVERAL times in dissimilar running gags, and in nearly of his appearances he uses "Sex Bomb" as a metaphor.
  • Heavy's horrified expression and despairing await when he figures out that Soldier and Zhanna are engaged. Doubly funny as he reacts without fifty-fifty a blink at seeing her missing a hand, even telling her "Good" for escaping handcuffs because of it.

    Heavy: (Property Zhanna'due south necklace in one paw) Where do you go this necklace of...human ears... sister. NO.
    Soldier: HELLO, Blood brother-IN-Law! Good news! You're going to be a grandfather!
    (Heavy glares at Soldier with a giant frown on his confront)

    • Special notation to Zhanna'south verbal words of "He is going to impregnate me, blood brother!" while jumping joyfully.
  • The classic Scout and Demoman share a quiet moment where they make up one's mind to "follow the dream" instead of following their team'south doomed cause, and vow to catechumen their sometime safehouse into an orphanage... then that they'll have "an countless supply of free kids", presumably to set up an organ subcontract with or but impale for fun. Information technology might exist 1 of the darkest subversions of Heel–Face Door-Slam in history, as the Pyro reveals itself and immolates the pair of them immediately later.
  • Zhanna and Soldier fight nude and covered in honey, and talk about how freeing it is.
  • Soldier (almost) gives upward when he figures they are surrounded on both sides, non just one.
  • Demo is enraged when he finds out that Medic could've restored his eye anytime he wanted... but and so Medic reveals that he has restored that eye at least eight times, but every Halloween it pops out, grows bat wings, and attacks the Mercs.

    Medic: We've fought a behemothic your eye, a Dracula your eye, a brain-in-a-jar your center, a pocketknife-wielding ventriloquist dummy your center. One year it traveled back in time and tried to become our parents. The point is: In my medical opinion... and as a man of science I do non say this lightly... That eye socket is haunted.
    Demoman: Wait, why don't I remember whatever o' this?
    Medic: Oh, that. I scooped that office of your brain out so you'd cease request me.
    [Shell]
    Demoman: Yep, fair enough.

  • Spy wears a $10000 custom-tailored Louis Crabbemarché jacket.
  • Scout has a Sex Bomb tattoo. Spelled incorrectly as "Sex activity Bom".
  • For the afterlife that Scout goes to, the very first thing that he is greeted with in Heaven?

    God: BOOM! You're in Heaven, dummy!

    • Apparently, true Heaven for Sentinel is not one, but Iii foosball tables. This man has some incredibly low standards.
    • This is followed by the revelation that God is (or at to the lowest degree is acting like) a full fanboy of him, whom not only requests to see him flex, but also threatens to destroy the Earth because women didn't slumber with Scout whom he called, "His gift to women". It must be seen to be believed.
    • The flex is especially funny. Normally, it would result in one of the nearly wimpiest flexes known to man, merely in Heaven, Spotter's flex is so corking God himself is unable to gaze upon its celebrity.
    • God has to follow with Spy'due south lie almost Tom Jones being his dad. And but as Tom himself walks in, he gets his neck snapped again, by a cherub, so the lie tin stand.

    Tom Jones: What's new, pussycats? Homo, I just dropped a Sex Bomb on that steam room!
    (He gets his neck snapped)
    Scout: What was that crackin' noise?
    God: (speaking very apace) We're making popcorn you need to go-

    • God saying afterward Scout, "Encounter you December 4th, 1987!". And Picket taking this in footstep.
    • Just the fact that Picket's name was revealed to be "Jeremy", and that his Date of Expiry is December 4th, 1987... Hmmm... At present Where accept nosotros heard '''that''' before?
    • And then there's Spy'due south await of exasperation and horror when he realizes that, against all odds, Lookout HAS SOMEHOW COME Back TO LIFE.

      Sniper: (happily) Well, I'll exist...
      Spy: You have got to exist @#$ing kidding me.

  • And so at that place's how Classic Heavy is defeated: Medic makes a bluff involving making the Classic Heavy give nascence to iii baboons using Satan's pen, which distracts him long plenty for Modernistic Heavy to nullify his One-Winged Affections land... and so he pulls out the real labor-inducing device and activates it only every bit an insult to the dying Classic Heavy. The Modern Heavy's stunned reaction to the Medic doing this is besides worth a express joy. And to top information technology off, during the Title Drop, Medic is property the baby baboon.

    Medic: Three baboons! How preposterous. The human trunk can gestate 1, perchance 2 baboons at nearly.

  • Soldier and Zhanna are naked. Zhanna accuses Ms. Pauling of eyeing upwards Soldier, Zhanna is disgusted, Soldier claims "I have fought naked but I have never felt naked until at present", and right when Ms. Pauling demands they human action like professionals:

    (Sniper walks in on the carnage, completely naked from his revival)
    Soldier: HELLO, NAKED SNIPER!
    Sniper: (nonchalantly) Hey.

  • While the speech itself is badass, Pauling'south intro to information technology is certainly a dainty summary of the events leading upwardly to information technology.

    Miss Pauling: You lot wanna know how nosotros crush y'all? I honestly take no #&%@# clue.

• The Showdown.
  • The entire premise of the comic is Heavy infiltrating The Administrator's hideout just to ask for more guns. And Pyro had the aforementioned thought.
  • When he reaches the interior of the hideout, with just a sealed door and a retracted span in his way, Heavy just... Sits down, eats a sandvich and waits for someone to come out. Miss Pauling does, looking at some files. Her reaction to realizing he's there and passing right by her is priceless. Nevermind he addresses her so politely despite trespassing.
  • When Heavy comes for the Ambassador, she sets upwardly a cocky-destruct sequence, asking him to make her death quick, only saying "do information technology rapidly". Heavy just makes his request for guns as quickly as he tin can. The Ambassador's reaction to this as she turns off the self-destruct is one of sheer blank confusion.
  • Pyro beat Heavy to her by three minutes, patently using an air vent.
  • When the Heavy calls the Ambassador "Former Adult female", she dryly says "I have a proper name." When he apologizes and asks what her name is, she replies, "it's classified. Withal, a 'ma'am' wouldn't impale you."
  • Heavy tries to bribe Pryo with a lighter. Pyro is clearly non satisfied with it, every bit he crushes information technology in his hand. Cue the Ambassador laughing at what she just saw.

    Administrator: I'm sorry. It was simply the idea of you two killing each other. Ohhhh, that is perfect. I wish yous idiots hadn't crushed my lighter. Because at present I need a cigarette.

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Source: https://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Funny/TeamFortress2ComicsAndSupplementals

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